Snapshots of a life I had…

In another life, I was a photographer.  I loved doing it and was pretty good at it.

I always enjoyed it as a hobby, never looking to study it or take it up professionally.

I used to love to carry my camera with me everywhere I went and just snap some photos.

I had friends that loved to take pictures and we would go on wonderful picture-taking adventures!  It was my favorite way to kill some time.

I even completed a 365 self portrait project.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I’ve tried to do it again to no avail.

I would photograph food!  I’ve always loved to photograph food.

Then, my friends got serious about their photography.  And me?  I started to shoot some models.

and getting paid to do some weddings.

That’s when things started to fall apart for me.  I was back in school and I knew I didn’t want to do the footwork of building a photography business.  I knew I didn’t want to spend my weekends working at other people’s weddings.

I shunned it all.

I didn’t want to carry my camera around everywhere I went.  I deleted my Flickr account that had all of my 365 and had over 1,000 pictures.  I didn’t want people to count on me to take pictures, and I was starting to lose touch with my friends who took pictures.  I met more and more girlfriends and wives who were wedding photographers.  I had to edit out too many cell phones and digital cameras from wedding pictures.  I didn’t want to be like everybody else.  I didn’t want to struggle and do the legwork.  Most of all, I didn’t want to start hating photography.

My husband mentioned many times that he missed me taking pictures.  He would ask me why I didn’t do it anymore.  I would dodge the question or give some surface answer- “oh, I’m so busy with school,” which was true, “I’ll take more pictures when I graduate.”

I’ve never actually talked about my photography falling by the wayside.  It, actually, really hurts to think about.

I love photography.

My iPhone gave me a chance to dip my toes into the water.

I could post goofy pictures on FaceBook and Twitter and not care what people thought of them.

I could see something beautiful and post it immediately.  It didn’t have to be edited, and no one criticized my lack of filters.

This blog has sparked the photography joy in me again.  Despite the myriad of sh*tty pictures I take for this blog, I hope to grow.  I’m not 100% ready to dive all the way back into photography, but I’m learning to love it again.  I’ll learn from my past failures and missteps.

I’ll tap back into my creative juices, and enjoy my hobby that can take me away from all of the seriousness of life.  And maybe… just maybe.. I’ll consider myself a photographer again.